As my days back home for the summer are drawing to a close, I'm suddenly faced with situations that have forced me to consider who I really have faith in. Looking back on this summer, I see goals left unaccomplished. I have a dozen or so reasons I could rattle off to explain why I didn't see those goals through, but if I'm honest with myself, I know better. I didn't accomplish some of my goals for purely selfish reasons, and I didn't seek the Lord first with those goals. Do you know what that means for me? It means I failed. Do you know what failure does? It hurts my pride. I'm embarrassed when I think about all the good I could have done for the kingdom of God while home this summer but failed to do so for selfish reasons. But what is even more embarrassing is the fact that I acted as though I could accomplish those things without the help of the God I was trying to honor. I forgot the most basic of lessons a young Christian like me learns- that I can do nothing of my own strength. I need the strength and power of God to accomplish great things for His glory, but if I do not ask, I will not receive (John 16:24). Failures may be painful for my pride, but when that pain becomes humility before God, I find that it is true that His power is made perfect when I am weak.
Though I have experienced some failures this summer, I would not say all is lost. On the contrary, I learned that true service can be accomplished when I find strength in my King. Perhaps you read about my observations on the Justice Ride, but you didn't read about how that week was for me emotionally. Every morning before our group would go to the public squares to do outreach, I was wracked with fear. I'm not even exaggerating there. I honestly wanted to double over and retch one morning. But every morning, I would pray for the strength of God to overcome my fear. And every day my prayer was answered. I even experienced the joy promised in the verse I cited above. "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive,and your joy will be complete" (John 16:24).
So I've actually learned a lot this summer about how to respond to setbacks, failures, and fears. But tonight, my heart is heavy with some of these same problems.
I am returning to school this fall with a mission: start a pro-life activism student group. Planning was going great for awhile, and I was excited about working hard on something I am really passionate about. But when I found that there would almost certainly be opposition to the proposed group, my faith faltered. "Oh. I guess this isn't going to happen then," I thought for a few moments. Fortunately, it was truly only a few moments before I realized the next step I needed to take: prayer. I poured out my heart before God about the situation and entrusted it to His care. And now I am more ready than before to honor and obey God through this "controversial" endeavor!
And now for the final and yet most prominent concern on my mind tonight. I am very afraid about the surgery I am having on my back tomorrow morning. I'm worried about complications in surgery. I'm worried about recovery. I'm worried about returning to school so soon after my surgery. I admit it! I'm really scared! However, I am choosing right now to give those fears over to the One who tells me "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10).
I trust that no matter what happens tomorrow, my God will strengthen and help me. After all, my King has never failed me yet.
