Ashes, Tears, and Spilt Perfume

I have at certain times in my life sensed that I have done wrong. To deny this would be to deny the existence of any moral sensitivity inside myself. I sense this when I have let someone down by failing to meet a deadline or an expectation. I feel it when words spoken carelessly came back to haunt me. I sense it when I have done something in secret that would make me ashamed if anyone else knew. These feelings that make me aware that my conscience has been defiled have a special name: guilt. Sometimes guilt nags away at me until I can hardly stand to look myself in the mirror. But after a while, the nagging voice of guilt starts to fade and something much worse takes up residence in the heart. Apathy.

The disillusioned equate apathy with freedom. "I don't care what anyone else thinks! I will live my life as I wish! I am free!" is it's battle cry. Apathy doesn't listen to the nagging voice of guilt. That voice was put on silent ages ago. But apathy doesn't remain in the stage of passive indifference for very long. No longer needing to defend itself with it's battle cry, apathy does everything it can to make itself known. People who are indifferent to their consciences aren't afraid to bash someone behind their back (or even to their face). They aren't worried about their responsibilities or the expectations others have of them. They zealously defend every hateful word that escapes their lips. They express pride over the actions they once considered shameful. And while the apathetic person may be free from the nagging voice of guilt, he is really just a slave to his passions.

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, a day with it's roots in early Christian tradition. The purpose of the day is to reflect on one's past sins and mourn over them. In Roman Catholic and some Protestant churches, ashes are placed on the forehead of those who wish to make an outward confession of their inward mourning heart. A friend recently brought to my attention that some people understand this to be an offense to the cross of Christ. After all, if we have put our trust in Jesus, our sins are completely dealt with. "Therefore there is now no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1). But while this is entirely true, the Bible tells us that God esteems those who are contrite in spirit (Isa. 66:2). This assertion begs a few questions: "What does it mean to be contrite in spirit? Is it the same thing as feeling guilty? If so, why would God esteem our guilt?" Recently I've learned that guilt and contrition are not synonymous. Our guilt and apathy are not what God delights in. Instead, David cries out in his psalm of repentance, "the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart" (Psalm 51:17). So what does that look like in real life? The Word of God tells us a story of one woman who knew what it meant to come before her Lord with a broken and contrite heart.

In Luke 7:36-50 we read of a woman who, though she had lived a sinful life, approached the feet of Jesus in the company of many religious leaders. In sorrow over her sins the woman began to weep. So much did she weep that Jesus' feet were actually wet with her tears! Noticing this, the woman then began to dry His feet with her hair! Then she does something very strange. She begins to kiss the feet of Jesus and pour expensive perfume on them. The religious leader who invited Jesus over for dinner became indignant. He was repulsed by the woman's sinfulness and was shocked that Jesus was not equally repulsed. But then Jesus told a short parable that made everything seem a little clearer. This woman, in her great sorrow, exhibited so much love for Jesus. She had much to be forgiven, so she loved Him all the more because of all He had forgiven her. By spilling her perfume in an act of worship, the woman exhibited faith that Jesus could heal her. Her sins moved her to tears at the feet of Jesus, but they also moved her to worship Him by pouring perfume on His feet. In response to the woman's actions Jesus told her, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace" (Luke 7:50).

This woman was broken in spirit and contrite in heart. She sensed guilt over her sins, but she was not apathetic about them. Guilt prompted her to recognize that her sins had not been adequately dealt with, and contrition was the result. There are many days (especially as of late) when I deeply identify with this sinful woman. Painful remorse moves me to weep at the feet of my King, begging for mercy. And also like this woman, I come in worship, with faith that He can heal me. This is what God esteems. This is my sacrifice to Him.

So no, I do not think it is okay for Christians to be consumed by guilt. That would indicate that their sins have not been repented of. And no, I do not think that self-condemnation is appropriate for the Christian. That would indicate that they do not have faith in the power of the cross. But do I believe that God honors those who are humble and contrite- those who mourn over their sins with the faith that He can heal?

Yes, I believe it with all my heart.