All of Us are Mockers

Lately as I've been signing on to Facebook and scrolling through my newsfeed, I've found myself bombarded with all kinds of insensitivity. Whatever the subject, people are making bold claims without much regard for how their statuses might reflect their reputation or the reputation of someone else. No one seems to be thinking before they post. In fact, the opposite seems to be the case. People will post anything that comes to mind when a pulse of passion is running through their veins. I was starting to get annoyed reading posts that were mocking a plethora of subjects: young love, underage drinking, teen parenthood, promiscuous girls- just to name a few. I even made a comment on someone else's status expressing my own disapproval of such negativity. But then today, as I was sitting down to vent some of my frustration about this topic through this blog, I remembered that I have learned the lesson of loving instead of judging only recently. Obviously, I haven't mastered it yet, but I am trying to see the world through a different set of eyes. Let me take you back to just a few months ago when I first realized that there was a lesson that I needed to learn.

I was walking back toward campus from Union Station with a friend. In Chicago, not much should surprise me as I walk down the street, but I'd only lived here a little over a month at the time of this experience. So when I saw a group of guys in their early twenties with one young lady among them walking in front of us, I naturally made a few silent judgments. The guys looked, walked, and talked like the kind of guys you would expect to be real players and partyers. And the girl was wearing a slinky black top with a completely transparent back. To be painfully honest, the first thought that passed through my mind was, "She looks like a slut." And then, some equally painful words were whispered into my ear by my friend. "She must be so broken inside." I was so ashamed of what my first judgments of this girl were. That day I decided that from then on I would try to look past a person's exterior and into their heart.

It all comes down to one primary principle; everyone is broken. Every single person on this planet has known grief, and grief is not something to be mocked. So whenever you are tempted to post something vehement about ignorant middle school lovers, teen parents, dead beats, drunks, drug addicts, promiscuous girls, think about the brokenness and pain that you are mocking. Think about the 12 year old whose heart has been broken by a boy and who reads an insensitive post about 'girls like her'. Think about the guy that feels like he has ruined his life and sometimes thinks about suicide when he reads a post about 'dead beats like him'. Think about the promiscuous girl who is desperately longing for real love when she reads a post about 'whores like her'. I could go on, but I think the point is clear. Mocking someones pain is easy when you don't know who you are mocking, but (whether you know the person or not) mocking someones pain is always wrong.

And as your reading this, you can probably recall some time when your pain has been mocked or trivialized. Maybe it wasn't from a post on Facebook or Twitter. Maybe it was from a newspaper article, a news report, an overheard conversation, or even just a judgmental glance. It might be of some small comfort to know that I will not mock or trivialize your pain. I'm only just beginning to learn how to love people, but I would be blessed to learn how to better love you. On the other hand, it should be a great comfort for you to know that there is someone who can truly sympathize with your pain.

Jesus was rejected by people from his hometown- even by some of his family members. He was labeled and unjustly accused. He was spit on and beaten. He was mocked. And as you may have been the victim of judgment by those who don't really know your whole story, Jesus is the only innocent victim of judgment. Sinful people like you and me crucified the Son of God. Jesus never sinned, yet He was willing to die to take away ours. Because of His great love, my King died for those who rejected Him, labeled Him, falsely accused Him, spit on Him, beat Him, mocked Him, and crucified Him. And if you or I were there the day Jesus hung on the cross, we would have mocked Him too.

All of us are mockers.

Yet there is hope for those who put their faith in Jesus:

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need"(Hebrews 4:15-16).

The Opposite Way

If you've ever been in an auditorium, a gymnasium, or a large gathering of any kind after the crowd is dismissed, you know that it is nearly impossible to walk in a direction that goes against the masses. Racking my brain for a personal experience when this has happened to me, the first memories that come to mind are the moments when after a concert or musical that I've performed in, I try and make my way through the crowd to meet up with my family. I am eager to get to them so that I can ask them what they thought of the performance, and I'm eager to give and receive hugs and even words of affirmation. However, as I have said, getting there is somewhat tricky. Pushing past the crowds, saying, "excuse me" whenever possible, is an awkward and pretty uncomfortable experience. I can read the expressions on some of the faces of the people I squeeze in between. They usually seem to say, "I know you want to get somewhere, but you should really be considerate and let me and all the rest of these people go first." I understand their frustration, but I have always found it worth it to undergo the awkwardness of wading through the crowd. As often as poor analogies are used in Christian circles, I am sometimes reluctant to use analogies at all. But Jesus used them, and they were always effective. Besides, tonight I am on a mission to encourage a friend, and this analogy seems to be very fitting for the situation.

When someone is truly living for the King, everyone knows it. Servants of Jesus live differently than the rest of the world. They make decisions differently, they talk differently, and they enjoy life differently. As we can tell from history, people who are different often have to deal with awkward, uncomfortable or even painful encounters with others who disdain them for their 'differentness'. Our human instinct makes us gravitate towards those who are most like us, and our sinful nature makes us distance ourselves and sometimes form prejudices against those who are unlike us. So the genuine Christ-follower is bound to experience some opposition. Going the opposite way that everyone else seems to be going is never going to be easy, but the Christian knows that it is worth it.

I know from experience what it is like to experience resistance and hostility because of my beliefs. Just like going the opposite way through a crowd, sometimes you get dirty looks. At times a person will dare to utter a profanity at you. The worst part, however, is when these hurtful looks and words come from people you thought were your friends. Also, just like going the opposite way through a crowd, sometimes you accidentally bump into someone and rub them the wrong way. Even genuine Christ-followers are bound to make mistakes in their journey of going against the grain. The best they can do is apologize and continue on their way. Fortunately, the best part of this analogy is the last part.

The one thing to remember when your going the opposite way is that your destination is worth the opposition and hostility you might encounter on the way there. When I walk the opposite direction through a crowd, I don't take my eyes off of the people I am going toward. Otherwise, I might lose them. In the same way, the Christian has to keep their eyes set firmly on their destination. However, this is where the analogy falls short. For Jesus isn't only waiting at the finish line as his people struggle through the crowd, He is there with them. He is softening the blows at times, and he is filling them up with peace and power to get the rest of the way there. The only danger lies in losing sight of Jesus. If I lose sight of Jesus, pushing through the opposition becomes exhausting, and instead of being filled with peace and power, I am filled with doubts and despair. The Word of God gives better encouragement than I can:

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander" (1 Peter 3:15-16).

So my friend, set your heart on Jesus. Keep your eyes on the king.

Too Little Too Late?

Have you ever experienced that moment when you realize that you've left something unsaid, undone, unmade that you should have accomplished so much sooner? Or maybe its the other way around. You are waiting for someone to apologize or do something to make up to you for what they did a long time ago? Sometimes this feeling eats away at me. More often than not, I play the grudge-holder. I can get this sick satisfaction from being able to prove to myself that I've been wronged and thus deserve to have that wrong made up to me. What is even more despicable is that there have been times when someone has apologized to me for hurting me in some way, and I have blown off their apology only to continue to harbor resentment toward them. On the other hand, I know what it is like when you have something you need to say, but it is painfully hard to say it. Asking for forgiveness is an example of one of those circumstances.

Just a short while ago, I was given the chance to respond to an apology that was long overdue. It was not a wordy apology; it was simple and seemingly sincere. But the very fact that the apology was even made seemed to beg the question, "Isn't this apology too little, too late?" It was, in fact, an apology that I was not expecting to ever hear. I had been bitter and resentful toward this person for quite some time, but eventually I chose to let it go. So hearing the words I was never expecting to hear came quite honestly as a shock. I was suddenly faced with a decision. I could respond contemptuously, reasoning to myself (and to my offender) that I should have received that apology years ago. I could have made the outward appearance of forgiving my offender while in my heart really rekindling my bitterness toward the person. OR I could have chosen to genuinely forgive my offender with my head, heart, and mouth. By God's grace, I chose to respond in the latter of the three ways. Needless to say, this unexpected apology made quite the impact on me, and I began to consider what had changed in me that had allowed me to respond so differently now than I would have in the bitter years of before. I know my own heart well enough to say that had this same experience happened to me a year or more ago, I probably would have not really forgiven this person. I would have clung to my bitterness as if it were a part of who I am. So what changed? I was thinking through this question myself when I realized the answer was more profound than I thought.

As I mature in my relationship with Jesus, a sanctifying process is taking place in me. Of course I will never reach perfection nor anywhere close to it in this lifetime. However, as time progresses, it should become apparent to me and to others that I have matured spiritually. Thus, the act of truly forgiving someone should come more naturally the older I get and the closer I grow with the Lord. The word "sanctification" is used to describe one becoming more and more like Christ. When I was processing all of this in my head, all of a sudden the joy of my salvation hit me like a current. Jesus forgives as if it is not difficult for Him to do so at all! Jesus does not hold grudges or harbor bitterness toward me. When I think on the moment of my salvation, I am amazed that God could forgive someone like me.

My sin was (and is) an utter offense to my king. I had rebelled against him from childhood on, and I continue to sin against Him daily. But did my king scoff at me on the moment when I surrendered my life to Him, saying, "Your pathetic apology for you innumerable sins is far too little, far too late. I cannot accept you into my family or into my courts."? NO! Instead, like the shepherd who sought tirelessly through the night, He says to the hosts of heaven, "Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep" (Luke 15:6). And that is what happens every single time someone comes to Jesus in surrender with a repentant heart; heaven rejoices. "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent" (Luke 15:7).

This observance ought to move me to worship and repentance; that while I can struggle to find it in my heart to forgive someone who has wronged me once, Jesus rejoices to forgive me of all I have wronged him.

Counting the Cost

Sometimes the best question to ask yourself when your faced with making an important decision is, "Is is worth it?" Sometimes the positive elements outweigh the negative elements of the given situation, and I can confidently answer, "Yes, it is worth it." Other times, however, I am hesitant to commit to a decision because I'm not sure whether it is worth it or not. Considering whether to take a certain job, buy an expensive item, or even date a certain person shouldn't be treated casually. And some decisions require a lot more consideration than others. Obviously, you don't need to weigh the pros and cons of what you are going to eat for breakfast as much as you would weigh the pros and cons of who you are going to date. All this talk of weighing things reminds me of the trickiest part of the decision-making process for me. I've never been one to enjoy math, so maybe that is why I have such a hard time deciding how much "weight" to give to any particular pro or con. Let me expound for you what I'm trying to say.

For example, I'm really considering taking on two jobs next summer so that I can earn some extra money for school. It would be easiest for me to stay with the job I worked at in high school. I wouldn't have to do any training, and I wouldn't have to deal with the time and stress of going out and applying for a ton of jobs. However, I keep telling myself I need to get out of the food industry, because I should get more work experience in fields that might one day help me find a job I enjoy doing more. So, here is where the math comes in. How important are my personal comfort and preferences when it comes to making this decision? They certainly are important, but are they important enough to risk not finding the second job that I need? Ultimately, I decided to give more weight to the security of the job I already had than I did to my personal preferences. Doing the 'scale work' for this decision took me a little while, and other decisions have certainly taken up a lot more of my time than this one did. But now I'd like to share with you the one decision that had me counting the cost longer and more thoughtfully than any other decision I have ever made.

There was a day when I was just fifteen when I realized that I had a potentially life-altering decision to make. I had just heard the gospel message explained for the first time, and it began to sink in just how serious the news I had just heard really was. First off, if it was really true (and I had no good reason to believe otherwise), then it would be a terrible thing for me to reject Christ. I now knew the truth about my sin and what the just punishment for it was apart from Jesus. Secondly, I knew that responding wholeheartedly (I tend to do most things in life wholeheartedly) would certainly change the entire direction of my life. I'll just give you a glimpse into some of the troubling thoughts that were going through my head the two days after I had been exposed to the gospel.

"What will my family think?"

"My friends will think I'm a crazy religious freak."

"Will my extended family be upset?"

"I'm so unhappy, and I feel like I don't know who I am. But having a relationship with Jesus seems like it would fix that."

"I feel like my life doesn't even have meaning, but would that change if I started living for Jesus?"

"I don't want to change the way I talk, dress, date or who my friends are, but living for Jesus would change everything."

These were just a few of the more general thoughts going through my head. Each of those thoughts was broken down into more specific questions or concerns. For example, the question "What will my family think?" was broken down into more specific questions like: "Will they be upset if I stop going to mass with them? Will I still need to get confirmed? Will they be embarrassed to tell their families?", etc.

So even if you think that those questions I was thinking over sound immature, know that I did consider what it would mean for me if I chose to live my life for Christ instead of myself. Fortunately, I considered the risks of disappointing friends and family as of little importance compared to the freedom I could have in Christ.

And as it turns out, the cost for following Jesus is much higher than I even realized back then. Over these last four years I have come to realize that following Christ shapes every aspect of who I am. It shapes my tastes, my relationships, my worldview, and even my politics. And while it is relatively easy to live as a Christian in America, I know that Christians all over the world are persecuted for their faith. So while I can bemoan the fact that people have said hurtful things about me because of my faith, I know that it does not compare to the sufferings of other Christians. And perhaps one day I will suffer real persecution. As scary as that sounds, I would be surprised if it did not happen. After all, it seems as if Jesus himself expected so much for those who would genuinely follow him. Consider his words to his disciples in John 15:18: "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." Fortunately, Jesus is worth the cost of following him. And despite whatever trials I have faced and will face, He is my strength and my comfort. In the words of my King, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

A Heart Set on Home

College students often say that one of the most perplexing things about college life is knowing where home is. I agree wholeheartedly. My college campus in Chicago is where I will be spending the majority of the next four years. I'm making friends there that really feel like family. I'm working and studying and plugging into a local church- all things I would do in the place I call home. But the phenomenon becomes complicated when it comes time to take a trip home. I have family and friends and work and church in my hometown too. So where is home? If I answer solely based on my feelings, I'm dissatisfied. No where really feels like home. If I answer based on logic, I'm equally dissatisfied. If home is where you live, I live in two different places. If home is where the people you love are, I deeply love people in both locations. If according to the old proverb, home is where the heart is, my heart feels like its split in two. When I found out that one of my closest friends at school would be leaving for the next semester, a kind of panic set in. I'm still a little nervous about how one of my 'homes' will be without this person around. Ironically, before leaving, my friend gave me a gift that uses 476 pages to explain in beautiful detail the perfection of the place I will one day call home.

Heaven is the only place that I will ever be truly at home. Paul says in his letter to the Philippians that as Christians, "our citizenship is in heaven" (Phil. 3:20). If those who claim Christ really trusted Him with their lives, then the scripture that says that Christians live "as aliens and strangers in this world" would make a lot more sense (1 Peter 2:11). Unfortunately, it is all too easy for me to live as if this life is all there is. If I really believe that the fight against evil and injustice is already won, then why do I throw up my hands in defeat when I hear reports of genocide, suicide, and war? If I really believe that my Heavenly Father delights to take care of me, then why do I fret about money and grades and clothes and finding a future spouse? And if I really believe that one cannot be a servant of two masters, then why do I attempt to serve my sinful desires while at the same time trying to serve my King? The answer? Because I am still human. I have not yet arrived at my future home. When I am home, the pain and suffering of this world will somehow make sense. My Father will lavish His love upon me and continue to take perfect care of me. When I am home, I will no longer act on the sin that I hate.

In the eyes of the world, Christians really should seem like aliens and strangers. It might seem strange for someone to fight for a cause that seems lost. It might look weird for someone to not care about having the latest clothes or gadgets or creature comforts. It could certainly seem odd for someone to express guilt over succumbing to the pleasures that this world delights in. But all of what I've just expressed isn't strange to the Christ-follower, and it isn't strange to me. Instead, it seems rather strange to me that I am so concerned about feeling at home on this earth. This earth shouldn't feel like home. For Christians, this earth is the closest to hell we will ever get. And our citizenship is not in hell. To quote Philippians 3 again, "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body" (Phil. 3:20-21)(emphasis added). This verse is packed with amazing truth! I for one, am eager to get to heaven. My soul longs to be with Christ in a beautiful resurrected body. So if I am going to feel homesick, I want to be homesick for heaven.

And the more that I think about it, as I look to my future, the only thing that seems probable is that I will be roaming this earth to bring the good news of my King to those that need Him. I'm trying to come to terms with the idea of never really 'feeling' at home again- on this side of glory anyway. So instead of feeling dissatisfied about not being able to identify where home is, I'm content to eagerly await my future home. But while I'm here, I intend to live purposefully. I will fight against injustice, I will fight for truth, and God-willing, I will share the grace that has been extended to me with others for the rest of my life. I can't think of a better way to spend my life here, and I can't overestimate the bliss of my future home. How could I, when I will finally be with my King?

Honestly, It's hard to be this honest.

The only thing harder than trying to maintain a front you've put up, is trying to disassemble it once the whole charade begins to sicken you. Lately, I've been learning firsthand about the freedom and the blessings that can come from being honest with people. Now before you wince as you imagine me "speaking my mind" on everything I have an opinion on, let me assuage your (legitimate) concerns. Firstly, I am a firm believer that there are times when it is wisest to hold one's tongue. Knowing when and what to keep to oneself is an art that most in this life have not mastered. I do not pretend to have mastered it myself. It is also important that you know that this blog will not be a "rant" against things I dislike; nor will it be an awkward confessional of my personal life. Rather, I hope that this blog will serve as a window into my heart. I want people to see a glimpse of the spark that is the source of all my passions. I want people to identify with the things that cause me grief or heartache. The window analogy I've used is chosen carefully. A window lets you look inside without all the commitment required of walking through the door. Only my King has full access to the recesses of my heart, and that alone is a fear-inspiring thought for me to consider.

All that to say, I intend to do my best in this blog to really just be myself. I won't try to sound perfect or like I have everything figured out. (Although I am a stickler about decent grammar). :) Furthermore, I realize that I am setting myself up for judgment by writing this blog. My big dreams may seem outlandish to some. The things that make me sad may not cause another person to bat an eyelash. Undoubtedly, the frequent references to Jesus will frustrate some. Regardless, I'm not too troubled about potential criticism. I invite it even.

So I hope you can enjoy reading the reflections of my heart. They will not be unedited, but they will be honest. They will not be intensely personal, but they will be revealing. But most importantly, they will not be for me or my glory, but for the fame of my King.