Counting the Cost

Sometimes the best question to ask yourself when your faced with making an important decision is, "Is is worth it?" Sometimes the positive elements outweigh the negative elements of the given situation, and I can confidently answer, "Yes, it is worth it." Other times, however, I am hesitant to commit to a decision because I'm not sure whether it is worth it or not. Considering whether to take a certain job, buy an expensive item, or even date a certain person shouldn't be treated casually. And some decisions require a lot more consideration than others. Obviously, you don't need to weigh the pros and cons of what you are going to eat for breakfast as much as you would weigh the pros and cons of who you are going to date. All this talk of weighing things reminds me of the trickiest part of the decision-making process for me. I've never been one to enjoy math, so maybe that is why I have such a hard time deciding how much "weight" to give to any particular pro or con. Let me expound for you what I'm trying to say.

For example, I'm really considering taking on two jobs next summer so that I can earn some extra money for school. It would be easiest for me to stay with the job I worked at in high school. I wouldn't have to do any training, and I wouldn't have to deal with the time and stress of going out and applying for a ton of jobs. However, I keep telling myself I need to get out of the food industry, because I should get more work experience in fields that might one day help me find a job I enjoy doing more. So, here is where the math comes in. How important are my personal comfort and preferences when it comes to making this decision? They certainly are important, but are they important enough to risk not finding the second job that I need? Ultimately, I decided to give more weight to the security of the job I already had than I did to my personal preferences. Doing the 'scale work' for this decision took me a little while, and other decisions have certainly taken up a lot more of my time than this one did. But now I'd like to share with you the one decision that had me counting the cost longer and more thoughtfully than any other decision I have ever made.

There was a day when I was just fifteen when I realized that I had a potentially life-altering decision to make. I had just heard the gospel message explained for the first time, and it began to sink in just how serious the news I had just heard really was. First off, if it was really true (and I had no good reason to believe otherwise), then it would be a terrible thing for me to reject Christ. I now knew the truth about my sin and what the just punishment for it was apart from Jesus. Secondly, I knew that responding wholeheartedly (I tend to do most things in life wholeheartedly) would certainly change the entire direction of my life. I'll just give you a glimpse into some of the troubling thoughts that were going through my head the two days after I had been exposed to the gospel.

"What will my family think?"

"My friends will think I'm a crazy religious freak."

"Will my extended family be upset?"

"I'm so unhappy, and I feel like I don't know who I am. But having a relationship with Jesus seems like it would fix that."

"I feel like my life doesn't even have meaning, but would that change if I started living for Jesus?"

"I don't want to change the way I talk, dress, date or who my friends are, but living for Jesus would change everything."

These were just a few of the more general thoughts going through my head. Each of those thoughts was broken down into more specific questions or concerns. For example, the question "What will my family think?" was broken down into more specific questions like: "Will they be upset if I stop going to mass with them? Will I still need to get confirmed? Will they be embarrassed to tell their families?", etc.

So even if you think that those questions I was thinking over sound immature, know that I did consider what it would mean for me if I chose to live my life for Christ instead of myself. Fortunately, I considered the risks of disappointing friends and family as of little importance compared to the freedom I could have in Christ.

And as it turns out, the cost for following Jesus is much higher than I even realized back then. Over these last four years I have come to realize that following Christ shapes every aspect of who I am. It shapes my tastes, my relationships, my worldview, and even my politics. And while it is relatively easy to live as a Christian in America, I know that Christians all over the world are persecuted for their faith. So while I can bemoan the fact that people have said hurtful things about me because of my faith, I know that it does not compare to the sufferings of other Christians. And perhaps one day I will suffer real persecution. As scary as that sounds, I would be surprised if it did not happen. After all, it seems as if Jesus himself expected so much for those who would genuinely follow him. Consider his words to his disciples in John 15:18: "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." Fortunately, Jesus is worth the cost of following him. And despite whatever trials I have faced and will face, He is my strength and my comfort. In the words of my King, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).