Too Little Too Late?

Have you ever experienced that moment when you realize that you've left something unsaid, undone, unmade that you should have accomplished so much sooner? Or maybe its the other way around. You are waiting for someone to apologize or do something to make up to you for what they did a long time ago? Sometimes this feeling eats away at me. More often than not, I play the grudge-holder. I can get this sick satisfaction from being able to prove to myself that I've been wronged and thus deserve to have that wrong made up to me. What is even more despicable is that there have been times when someone has apologized to me for hurting me in some way, and I have blown off their apology only to continue to harbor resentment toward them. On the other hand, I know what it is like when you have something you need to say, but it is painfully hard to say it. Asking for forgiveness is an example of one of those circumstances.

Just a short while ago, I was given the chance to respond to an apology that was long overdue. It was not a wordy apology; it was simple and seemingly sincere. But the very fact that the apology was even made seemed to beg the question, "Isn't this apology too little, too late?" It was, in fact, an apology that I was not expecting to ever hear. I had been bitter and resentful toward this person for quite some time, but eventually I chose to let it go. So hearing the words I was never expecting to hear came quite honestly as a shock. I was suddenly faced with a decision. I could respond contemptuously, reasoning to myself (and to my offender) that I should have received that apology years ago. I could have made the outward appearance of forgiving my offender while in my heart really rekindling my bitterness toward the person. OR I could have chosen to genuinely forgive my offender with my head, heart, and mouth. By God's grace, I chose to respond in the latter of the three ways. Needless to say, this unexpected apology made quite the impact on me, and I began to consider what had changed in me that had allowed me to respond so differently now than I would have in the bitter years of before. I know my own heart well enough to say that had this same experience happened to me a year or more ago, I probably would have not really forgiven this person. I would have clung to my bitterness as if it were a part of who I am. So what changed? I was thinking through this question myself when I realized the answer was more profound than I thought.

As I mature in my relationship with Jesus, a sanctifying process is taking place in me. Of course I will never reach perfection nor anywhere close to it in this lifetime. However, as time progresses, it should become apparent to me and to others that I have matured spiritually. Thus, the act of truly forgiving someone should come more naturally the older I get and the closer I grow with the Lord. The word "sanctification" is used to describe one becoming more and more like Christ. When I was processing all of this in my head, all of a sudden the joy of my salvation hit me like a current. Jesus forgives as if it is not difficult for Him to do so at all! Jesus does not hold grudges or harbor bitterness toward me. When I think on the moment of my salvation, I am amazed that God could forgive someone like me.

My sin was (and is) an utter offense to my king. I had rebelled against him from childhood on, and I continue to sin against Him daily. But did my king scoff at me on the moment when I surrendered my life to Him, saying, "Your pathetic apology for you innumerable sins is far too little, far too late. I cannot accept you into my family or into my courts."? NO! Instead, like the shepherd who sought tirelessly through the night, He says to the hosts of heaven, "Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep" (Luke 15:6). And that is what happens every single time someone comes to Jesus in surrender with a repentant heart; heaven rejoices. "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent" (Luke 15:7).

This observance ought to move me to worship and repentance; that while I can struggle to find it in my heart to forgive someone who has wronged me once, Jesus rejoices to forgive me of all I have wronged him.